mamaLove

I feel I must write a blog post today. For whatever reason, I am feeling blah. Maybe I just need a vacation. I true vacation, not just a day or two off here and there. But I’m really not enjoying my job.

I really wish I could somehow get another job of comparable pay and benefits that doesn’t involve computers except at a tool to aid me in my work. I don’t want to be a developer anymore. I don’t want to sit in front of a computer every day writing code. I’ve done it for almost 8 years now and I’m tired of it.

But herein lies the problem. I don’t have experience doing anything else. Sure, I worked at a public library for 6 months back in the day, but that’s not real experience to qualify me to be a librarian. There’s a job opening for an assistant manager at a local bookstore. If it didn’t mean a huge cut in pay and benefits, I’d apply. I’ve always dreamed of working in a bookstore or library.

We’ve talked about someday moving back to Florida, but the thought of doing that dreaded job search and knowing I can only look for another developer job just feels like a vise on my heart. I know what my husband feels every time he gets thisclose to quitting his job because he just can’t stand it. It sucks to be so miserable at your day job (where you spend more time than at home) and know that you just can’t up and quit and find something else because you have a family that depends on that income. I understand completely how he feels and I hate that we are both in that situation with seemingly no way to fix it.

We have way too much debt and daycare to just go for a change without thinking of the repercussions. And that makes things even worse. So I sit here trying to keep it together while I plug away at the same freaking project I’ve been working on for the past year or more trying to get something to work so I can move on and maybe at least tolerate my job.

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