mamaLove

Inadequacy

I’m once again having inadequacy issues. I feel like I’m not doing as much as I should, as a wife, in the home, as a mom, at work.

My house is a wreck, I keep forgetting stuff for daycare, I feel like I’m missing too many days of work and not getting anything done. And I feel like I’m neglecting my husband. Not sure what to do about it all, except to forget that I’m my own person and start focusing on everything and everyone else so that things get accomplished and finished and done, etc.

I’m still sort of in a budget crunch so I have no idea how I’m going to manage Christmas this year. I’ve only bought Amelia one gift. I haven’t even thought about what to do for her teachers or my secret Santa at work, much less the rest of my family. My house is a mess and needs a good cleaning (as in mopping, vacuuming, dusting, etc). I really need some help with Amelia, because lately I’ve been getting so frazzled trying to do everything myself since DH was sick or gone. I’m hoping her ear tubes will keep her from getting sick so much, so I won’t have to miss as much work.

Plus, I’d like to find a little more time to get some of my knitting projects done. I’m starting to loathe the fact that they take forever to finish. It’s getting ridiculous. I never get to start anything new, because I’m still working on the same ‘ol stuff I’ve been working on for the past several months or even years. But that’s something for me and we all know that moms don’t get to do stuff for themselves very often.

We must always put husbands and children and home before ourselves. So maybe those will never get done. Which wouldn’t be so bad if I at least felt that the rest was getting done. But it’s not getting done either. And I don’t know why because I feel like I’m constant doing stuff. And I feel like I’m getting pressure to sit and watch television with my husband, which would be spending quality time with him and it should count, but then I feel I should be doing something else instead of just sitting there.

I guess I’m in a no-win situation and it’s starting to get a little overwhelming.

Posted in The Inner Me | 1 Comment »

Tubes

Amelia has to have ear tubes put in. Since she started daycare, she’s had ear infection quite frequently (at least one a month). So last month she was referred to an ENT for a consultation. He checked her ears and said, let’s check them again in two weeks and see where we go from there. Well, that was this past week and her ears were worse than 2 weeks ago.

So on Wednesday she gets ear tubes. I’m not looking forward to it. No food or drink at all after midnight the night before. Not even water. So she’s going to be fussy and cranky from that, plus the fact that strangers with coats will be taking her away from mommy and daddy, then giving her gas to make her sleep. No, it’s not going to be a fun day.

But hopefully, it will mean less ear infections and less doctor visits and less sickness.

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Hacked!

My site was hacked. Apparently I was running a vulnerable php script and it allowed my site to be compromised. The offensive script has been removed, but sheesh! I didn’t even know it.

For a while I was freaking out, thinking I might have lost all my posts from the past 5 years. That would have been very disappointing. So I hope to make a better effort to back up my site and all databases on a regular basis from now on. In case something crazy like this happens again, I will at least have a copy of all my posts. The rest of the site isn’t really that critical. I can throw together a new layout. But I like looking back into the archives and reading about what was going on back in the day.

So, the thing to remember is, always back up. I was lucky and the junk was cleaned out and nothing was lost. But it could have been devastating.

Posted in The Inner Me | No Comments »