mamaLove

I have had my eyes dilated before, but usually in the afternoon so I sleep it off at night. I don’t think I’ve ever had it done in the morning. It really screws up your eyes and messes up the whole day. At least for me it does. I can’t look at the computer for too long. I feel like a vampire…stay away from sunlight. My curtains are closed, I won’t venture out till the dusk. I can’t read for too long. It really is frustrating and I have a dull ache in the back of my eyes that just sits there. I’ve taken some ibuprofen and I’ve kept the light dim. Even typing this is difficult. Agh. I really hope this passes. It isn’t fun.

Thanks to Kristine, I’ve signed up for a mailing list on CFID/FM. Maybe it will help. Sometimes I just have an overwhelming urge to break down and cry. Pain and tiredness overwhelms me. The other night, I was having chills, the kind you get when your sick. Other times, I get so hot I feel like I’m going to faint. The pain is the worst though. And it will strike at any moment and I can’t move that part of my body. Be it my foot, my knee, my arm. It just throbs.

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about all this. I try talking to my husband but he doesn’t really take it all seriously. I guess that is what happens for people who have CFS or FM. My mom is supportive but I hate burdening her with it. She has her own problems with her carpal tunnel in both elbows and wrists. So I’m hoping that the mailing list will help. When I start reading up on symptoms or anything related to FM, I just get overwhelmed and sad. Many of the symptoms they describe, I experience. But I wonder how much of it FM or something else. Like the dry eyes and horrible night vision. Or the flu like chills and achiness and the tiredness and the pains in my leg or elbow. Or the UTI I get more frequently than I should or used to, even though I take every precaution to prevent it. Is it just a cold, am I out of shape, did I just bump myself and don’t remember or is it really the FM that is causing most of it or at least causing me to not remember? It’s all so confusing. How much can I blame the FM on? Or am I just crazy and am creating all these issues that aren’t really important? I wish there was someone I could talk to when I am feeling something “not normal”. But then I’m not sure if some of it is not normal. Augh. It’s all so confusing.

And this darn issue with my throat is just driving me nuts. Since I had a sinus cold back in August (when I missed my high school reunion), I’ve felt like I have something stuck in my throat. Like mucus or something. Yes, it’s gross. It won’t go away. I can’t cough it or swallow it and it bothers me so much that by dinner time, my throat is sore from the battle and I’m ready to go to sleep so I don’t have to deal with it anymore. I’ve taken some steriods and antibiotics and it felt better for a few days, but it seems to be getting bad again. I hate feeling like something is stuck in my throat.

But right now, if only my eye sight would return to normal, I’d be much happier.

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