Girlfriends
I really hate how I am feeling right now, but I can’t help it. For some reason, I value friendships. I always have. Maybe that is why I’m a very forgiving person. I always felt I forgive to easily, but you do that if you want friends. You forgive and accept them for who they are. I’m loyal, trustworthy, in my opinion, a great friend.
Yet I don’t have any. Well, my husband is my friend and my sister, but I don’t really have any girlfriends that I can spend time with. My sister is 8 years younger, in college miles away, so of course she has her own life. I had close friends when I was in high school, a best friend that was like my other half. In college I had friends, no one real close but I had a group that hung out. Since I graduated, we’ve all spread out and I keep in touch with none of them.
So here I am with no girlfriends to spend time with. Back to the main question…what am I feeling? Jealousy. Real stupid, but why. My husband is out with his friends, having a good time, which he does quite frequently. What do I do, stay at home alone, because I don’t have anyone to hang out with except him. He is great, but it’s just not the same as hanging out with the girls. I really miss that from my days of school.
I’ve always had trouble making friends. I think I am so in need of female friendship that maybe I scar them away or something…it sounds really lame. Of course, it bugs me that he goes out with his friends. Well, not really. I don’t mind it, I mind how I feel when he doesn’t come home til after midnight because he’s been out drinking with the guys.
I don’t even have anyone to spend a few hours with, much less a long evening drinking and talking girl stuff. I miss having a girlfriend to goof with. I love my husband. He is real easy to like, people take to him really well. He doesn’t have trouble making friends. I’m having trouble finding just one to share things with.
Just to show by example…our wedding. My bridesmaids were my sister and his cousin. His groomsmen were his two closest friends. I always said it would be my best friend, and my sister understood that your best friend is always your maid of honor. She got that honor because there was no best friend to step up to the job.
I guess I need to quit rambling. This entry is atrociously long, but I had to get this all out. I had to vent my frustration in some way, and it’s always made me feel somewhat better to write about it.
